Like glass that shatters easily...

...and so does the human heart. Well, i think mine's an exception.. I read about guarding hearts today. I dunno the definition of it. Still vague after all the reading I'd done.One thing did stick tho...

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

I learned that in pursuing a relationship... it's not just our responsibility to guard the particular sister's heart, but your own heart as well; not to mention your FRIENDS' hearts... I believe I've been naive in that part. All's warm and fuzzy and you forget everything. Such selfishness and ignorance.

I've also learned that guarding one's heart goes beyond that of romantic relationships... It has to do with our whole being: our inner-man specifically. God sees the heart. He made it abundantly clear in His Word. My father gave me the name David... I didn't know who David was until I was at least 15 or 16.. when i started reading the bible... David was called: A man after God's own heart. What a privilege that was. His son, Solomon... wrote about guarding the heart.. because what the heart is.. the person becomes. Out of the heart, his mouth speaks... if there is foolishness in the heart, you'd know by their fruits.. if there is humbleness.. if there is wisdom...

I'd read once about leading our own heart.. instead of letting it lead our desires.. our actions.. Been doing a sucky job at that... I'm still hurting people apparently. There's a need to change. A need to soften my heart to His Word.

http://bible.org/article/guarding-heart

Here.. something I found useful in understanding the full meaning of the phrase: Guard your heart.

Not just guarding it against hurting your brothers & sisters.. but guarding it against itself, against Satan's fiery arrows.. and more...

Peace out,

Time to hit the restart button!!

Recently my blog has been about mushy emotional stuffs n whatnot... i apologize.. hahaha. not! Let a guy dream kan? lol.. just kidding..

anyway... been awhile since i blogged...So, shall we catch up with the events of the day???Not like its very interesting tho; but i digress...

Dec 23rd.
Baptism Day... Both Noel n I were serving that day.. I didn't really know what to say. Nor did i felt really prepared... But hey, i had 7 years+ to prepare.. no excuse kan? lol... Here's a picture of it as proof. =P

                                                          Picture courtesy of Scott Tan. 

I won't forget what pastor asked:"Do you love the Lord Jesus with all your heart, all your strength, all your mind, and all your soul?"

I replied:"I do."

It felt like a marriage to Christ than an act symbolizing repentance n rebirth.. XD
But i guess that's the weight the act itself carries... So time to buck up eh... no more foolin around...
23rd Dec.. my 2nd birthday *in Christ*


23rd Dec (Evening)
I mentioned to many people how this was the most musical Christmas I'd ever had...
Right after baptism, went out makan, came home and shot straight to Fel's house.. a few of us had been recruited to sing carols for le Nilas aunty n her churchmates.. we thought it'd be a makan session so we practiced, and left for Nilas around 7.30... aaaannndddd arrived to an empty shop... apparently it wasn't a makan session, she'd invited her churchmates JUST to hear us sing! We felt so bad >.<... ended up singing to her alone, after which she made us have some drinks and makan some cake. the cake was sooo good... too bad it had raisins in it. She's so motherly.. all of us like her anak nie.. esp Kim ahhahaha..

After that we went on a food trip LOL.. All the way to Pak Putra.. I managed to stop by Yi Po's hse.. so nice to see them and talk to them after some time... They didn't celebrate this year..

24th Dec *Le AWESOME Christmas Party*
I AC-ed all the way from 11pm of 23rd to 6pm of 24th.. BEST gaming marathon EVER...
After that went back, bathed, and its off to FOOD FEST!!! XD
Twas' an awesome night... after that go practice for Christmas morning service.. somehow i from PA jadi backup.. Sing again.. i was already having sore throat by the time i went home around 12.30am on Christmas morn.. After that we had a small After Party kat Fel's place.. They had Irish Cream while i drank Mountain Dew.. Heh. But it was a nice hangout session...

                                                             A Christmas gift from Sharon.



25th Dec (CHRISTMAS)
Woke up early on Christmas (serving).. by early i meant 820am while service starts at 1030.. =.=..

                                                                    Worship Session

They said i looked like an elf with the cap. XD..
After service, went off to makan *somehow i forgot what i ate*...
Around 3.30, we gathered at Fel's again... This time to sing carols at Nilas Aunty's church itself...
Not knowing what to expect, we went. Ps. It's MC n Brian's church as well...

                                                                         The Carolers!!

It was really fun, and a blessing to bless them... and i'm always thankful to fel n jui.. they're d only ones who constantly acknowledge my bass-iness.. XD... according to jui she can't mention my full name.. if she starts with Lee, it'll end with a Zi-bob. Hahahaha..

After the session at d church we left n went back to rest at Fel's house, til the open house at Mr Walson's... He's a church member who joined us recently... So he built an epic house nearby... PJ invited us to go sing caroling sempena his house dedication to the Lord/house warming...

                                                                  Le Awesome House

                                                             Some nice Christmas deco...

                                                         Once again, the carolers!! XD

So there goes my Christmas... A fun, friends filled experience. Was whatsapping James from time to time... Really miss that monkey.. Hahaha. Well, as my father would say, time to wrap up your feelings and buckle up for studies! I've got 2 lab tests comin up... not to mention assignments... Jia lat.


CG tonight was simple and full of food and laughter... I only hope the juniors enjoyed it as much as we the old peeps did.. XD...
PS. She's having the Infineon Competition presentation tmr. Woots!! Good night peoples. =)

Macam budak...

I'm a person who needs constant reminding of who i am.. Or rather, who i am in Christ... So to whosoever is reading this, it'll be a big help if you'd gimme a kick in the butt once in awhile to remind me. Heh.

I guess in that way i'm such a kid. Need to grow up even more. Even though people call me uncle nowadays... But i beg to differ... only because i know for it to be untrue. Baptism is tomorrow. Am i prepared? No. Will i be prepared??? Guess we'll find out. Got d whole afternoon n night to prepare...

Sorry pasal the recent 'frust' posts... Just remember to look to God. Work it out with Him, and the rest will follow... =)

On a different note: Apparently I'm a caring person. I can't lead/walk in front without looking back making sure everyone's following. But I know i'm also called to lead. So how ah? hahahaha. I like where CF is right now. I like where things/people are moving. I like how we got to mix with CCF n CSF during Choices... Was very much encouraged by seniors who came down, who helped financially, who were there physically/mentally. Very much indeed.

I should learn to thank God more. hahaha. My mind is often blank nowadays. Don't slip off Jian. If not you'll be left behind again. Think. Work. Run.


I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philipians 4:13.


Christmas is coming. Unlike some, i never really got to experience the significance of celebrating it with one's family. I'm also unfamiliar with the gift giving tradition. the first time i received a present from a cfer i had culture shock. "For me?" i asked... but it made me really happy... Shud buy some stuffs for ppls... hehe.. But i thank God for the family i have here in CF... Monday night we celebrate k?

Alvin's bday is on the 29th. and he's coming down. Too bad i'm on mission trip. Have to pass his present to his bro. Question is what to buy??? Hmmm...

What am i doing???

Can't sleep. STRESS.

Peace..

As baptism class went on.. I felt a steady flow of peace in me. I know what to do, I know why i'm doing it, and i know who i'm doing it for. And i suppose i do have an answer for: "Why water baptism now?"

It's because God has bought me to a point in my life where I'm forced to be serious about me faith; or dropout. So yeah. It's no joke, this step I'm taking this Christmas.

RRRRRAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I wanna ROAR. ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first step of happiness...

A phrase that got me wondering... like seriously... =.=...
Gotta push that away for now... gotta focus on God. on my studies. on becoming a real man. a man of God.

Easy to say. But most of the time i'm oblivious to happenings around me i guess.
Sometimes i wonder if I'M the one actually making things complicated.
Stupid. haha...

Tmr night is baptism class. Still feels awkward telling people i'm getting baptised. I wonder what they think of it. But then again, I know this is just the past haunting me. So yeah... I claim victory in Christ. I don't wanna wallow anymore... That being said, cannot skip anymore classes HAHAHAHAHAHA..

REALLY NEED TO DISCIPLINE MYSELF.

On the other hand, just be friends just be friends... Don't go trying to gain favors, don't go trying to gain favors. Guard her heart. Guard her heart. Guard her heart. Guard her heart. Guard her heart.

Help me Lord to control this heart. This wicked, evil, lustful heart. I surrender all to you. To you be the glory and honour, forever and ever. Amen.

Back to baptism class. most people didn't know i haven't been baptised. just goes to show how good an actor i am eh. But after this, no more acting. Especially with my parents. No more chances. No more compromise... Gotta work, and work hard. Work!!! XD

Nite peeps =)

The next step...

Been a frustrating weekend for me.. or rather, week... or rather, since Choices ended. i can't focus on anything. anytime i'm not occupied my mind teleports to her. stupid head. kills me that i know i can't and shouldn't do anything about it. the online chit-chats didn't do much. she doesn't reply much lols...

Last night i went and got my shoes back. She opened the door. I walked up. She handed me the shoes: "Check whether it's yours anot." I took the shoes and opened the plastic to check, glancing up at her only for a second. She was smiling. I said: " Yeah thanks. Good night." and left... and smiled like an idiot all the way home.

I'm such an idiot... =.=... (PS. How DID she know those were my shoes???)

On the other hand. God's presence has been absent from me.
I don't know why. It's like, i lost Him... for once i can't say that... He's there... When i seek Him in repentance, in waiting, in worship... I get nothing... I don't know what's going on.

Then today Pastor dropped a Bomb. A literal B-Bomb.


BAPTISM.


Apparently there's one this Christmas. She once told me this is not a ticket to a sinless life. Don't take it lightly. And i won't. in fact when she mentioned it FEAR immediately gripped me. I'm gonna die in a week's time. The old me is going to die. It HAS to die. Or rather... I've to kill it before then.. or something like that. I've to repent before then.. or something like that. Yesterday I read how Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane. He prayed in anguish.. in desperation. Even when the angels wipe away his sweat and comforted Him; He prayed even harder... to the point of sweating blood.

This is the next step on this road i'm taking. I know it. But it's a BIG step. God is not gonna push me through it; only I can step through. And i know that if i miss it... I don't even wanna think that...

I only pray that You will not withdraw your presence from me... as with Saul. I will die if that happens. i will be tortured by past sins. Haunted by my own misdeeds. I'm afraid Lord. Afraid and tired. Please help me.

Blerghhh......

Stress... What am i doing? i'm going crazy... =.=...
Choices 2012 just passed. Guess i won't have much of an excuse to spend time around her anymore eh? Dah lah she's your close friend's long time crush... haih.. Dying trying NOT to do something about it. Gahhhhhh....

Help me to pray and wait God. to pray and wait.

On a lighter note, here you go:

Choices 2012: Is there more to life than this?

All in all, to God be the glory. =)

We can do this!!!

Change can happen in a minute. Don't tell me a week is not long enough.

Time.

3rd and church, where I stayed
Laid my head in an empty room
And I still feel the same, with a bed under me

Time is always running away
Never stopped, never prayed
Everything I wanted to say
Now it’s gone, it’s too late

If you ever see me, ten years ago, would you let me know?

"Everything you’re doing, keep going and you’ll be alone
Cause time is not on your side, slow down."

Wore my hands through the skin, worked my mind till it caved in
Never stopped, never played, working away, working away

Time is always running away
Can't hold on, can't delay
Everything I wanted to say
It’s gone, it’s too late

If you ever see me, ten years ago, would you let me know?

"Everything you’re doing, keep going and you’ll be alone
Cause time is not on your side, slow down." 

Through the walls... onto the streets...
 I’ll take my first step as I free me
And if I see you I will tell you
You were right
You were right
You were right

And time is not on your side.