Juz feeling a bit low..

Am currently restless.. listenin to the worship team practice outside my door..
Feelin realll emo.. Sometimes i feel so hyper and excited. and yet there's times i question the meaning of my actions.. my life.. people around me.. what am i here for.. its funny how much good u can do and no one ever notices.. and with one shortcoming, people lose their trust for you, stay away from you.. and ultimately.. these people u once called friends are nothin but people who popped up along the road of your life and popped off somewhere in the middle.. i'm tired.. tired of running here and there, pursuing relationships that never work out.. (not intimate ones).. im merely askin for a friend.. a friend to cry with, to laugh with, to listen to my jokes.. to laugh at my problems.. dang.. i need a girlfriend XD.. its not that i'm too free.. ive got lots to do.. worship coordinator.. IF Talk asst director.. helpin in church.. studies.. toppin that off somethin big happened last week.. which again made me question that which rules over us.. why are things allowed to happen as they do? why are some people so bent on solving problems with violence? why do people judge based on a past shortcoming, yet not look at the person u currently are? is there any justification for that? and am i to be blamed for bluntly stating my opinion? a fight was about to happen right in front of my eyes.. even so i'm not the one to say something about it? then WHO?? u tell me la. WHO??? u ah?? i tell u you wont even know about it if they didnt tell u. so please la.. don't tell me how to run my life.. or who i should respect.. i respect a lot of people.. but for some, i take my respect back. cuz they didnt deserve it. i dont care whether they're seniors or not. if one's wrong one shud admit it.. not take out others who dont stand with your side.. we're all grown ups and the only way u can solve a problem is go whack the fella.. hahahahahahaha.. what an adult!!! honestly im fed up with all this crap.. i will not stand for it.. sigh..

Anyway thats what im honestly feeling.. gonna cut it loose now.. Jesus, i ask for strength to go thru the days, i'm not perfect.. yet i will not let my anger get the best of me. Bless my enemies, and teach me to love them.. I need your guidance.. i really do.. i know that you are the personification of Love.. i just dont understand how things work in your way.. =.=.. guess i need to do a lot of growing up. Lord i ask u hear this prayer.. teach me how to love. Amen..