More thoughts...

This place has become a place to pen down my thoughts, my views, n sometimes even my prayers.
My only hope is that these will somehow speak to your life (whoever is reading this) and that it will encourage you. My LORD is Jesus Christ, and I think you should get to know Him. He's pretty awesome i guess..

Anyway... Today was Choices Sunday full run through again. We're now in Week 4, and thing's are starting to pick up speed. A relatively stress free run for myself (I was playing instead of being runner for once). But it seems, many things have been happening... and maybe I'd been taking the back seat for too long.

Gotta pray for Noel. N for Aaron too... For Noel cuz 2 days ago he baru lepas.. today nie kena again haha.. not to say what la.. i guess he has a diff thinking.. but still, we need him to step up.
I feel very bad. I talked him into this choices thing. I myself didn't know what I was getting into; and I expected him to deal with whatever comes with the kind of adaptability that I was used to and capable of. N now, he's been asked to step out of the music team too.

I can identify. As a musician, nothing... i mean nothing, gives more joy or exhilaration, or excitement, or drives more enthusiasm, than being able to play. than being able to just express ALL that you're feeling into your instrument, into your song, into the audience. And nothing more fulfilling, than watching their faces light up as they enjoy the music, just as much as you enjoy playing the instrument.

Last year, i was asked to step out right from the start. I REALLY WANTED TO PLAY. I REALLY WANTED TO. But I'd kept quiet, & struggled with it, and continually found joy in whatever else i was doing. Simply because i knew what i was doing it for. Looking back, I knew I'd done the right thing. But the fact remains, i really want to play. Even in Choices; at the start I knew what a music team would be capable of in this project. A full team, full blown atmospheric freedom. We can bring that! I saw it. But no one else did. N now it's become just an acoustic booth, catering to those nearby... Not to say it's a bad thing. But this is far from my vision for the band.

I'd given Noel the freedom & the authority over the band. While being in it. I knew how it felt to be out of it. No matter how much JZ or Noel or Joseph said: "It's our team! We're the Nerd Band!" while including me, I knew it's different from playing in it. Because I'd experienced it with Christy and Hui Lee n the rest of ROC1 Band.. I feel left out even in the midst of practice. *sometimes*
So it's not so bad. I mean, the acoustic idea is really cool.. something only ppl like Fel n Jui can come up with... *the parts and all*... So I'm happy with the way things are going... But it seems things will be taking a big turn. It seems Noel's being pushed to step out of d team; rather than being given a choice. so gotta pray for him lah.. we'll see what happens. Maybe should call him out for lunch tmr.

As for his story... perhaps he didn't know the full magnitude of what he signed up for. But from the start I knew this would be BIG. Maybe I didn't convey it properly enough? Was it my fault things are like this now? I saw him taking charge during his story... I saw him grow... Yet suddenly it seems he doesn't want to move anymore.. and I wonder why.. Was it all the late night meetings? Or our playful attitude even during meetings like this?

I liked meeting today. It was serious, straight to business. We need it. More than ever now. Issues that arise need to be tackled. N we lose precious time tembaking each other or making funny inside jokes that we laugh about for 10 minutes... Guilty as charged. haha.. but really glad to see le director stepping into her big shoes... i much prefer this... heh.

 As for the seniors story... I really don't know what'd happened.. i mean... i know the past issues regarding concerns and how we'd handled them... but guys.. c'mon la.. I'm your batch wan.. sampai need to hear from Kath? what is so hard about coming to me if there is indeed a concern? I know i can be very independent. I've my own principles and thoughts and perceptions. Nothing you say can change it, unless I see the logic and thought process behind it. But nobody wants to see Choices fail. So I pray for us all... that whatever's been bothering you, or whatever that I'd done to wrong you or hurt you... do bring it to light... Don't whenever I ask how're you your responses are: "Fine" or "Just tired"...
I muak ad hear those words. I guess I'm just not good enough to be your confidant. But I can understand. I haven't been the most perfect of men after all. I've fallen more times than anyone in the CF could have. I've fallen again and again and again. Who'd take my word for it? They're the words of an adulterer after all.

But I digress. I'm not an adulterer. or at least I do not want to be one. I want to be who God created me to be. I want to be the leader He made me to be. that He gave me the chance to be. And I'm gonna take it. But 1st thing 1st la.. gotta wake up for class tmr. XD

Sorry. I'd said I hope this post/blog will bless you... but it's become a ranting post seemingly.
But with all things said, I pray and hope for the best. I pray and hope for peace, joy, and reconciliation... for that is what we need.. God, move your mighty hands in this place. in this little place called MMU Melaka.