this post has been delayed since Jan 29th. why that date? it was a special day for us... at least for me. or maybe you could call it extra special. It's been a year since then... I'd planned a month ahead, brainstorming places to go, food to eat, to hang out.. I google mapped how to get to Ferringghi just so that we don't get lost and waste time (we got lost anyway). I even timed myself so i could tell her what time i'll be reaching, and have the time to get roses for her that morning itself. There was no occasion, no motivation, nothing else was on my mind but making her the happiest woman on earth...
Stopped at her house. "Here, these are for you." She blushed so red the apple can go letak jawatan...
I lagi lah kekok. Nak act cool but my words after that came out all stuck and stuttered.
But off we went to Penang Island... it was a day of joy... we giler camwhore.. tak tahan. but it was fun.. I miss giving her face massage.. hahahahaha.. i'll not forget.. at least not for a long time.. about this relationship. Someone'll have to get me concussed, cut out a piece of my brain, and laser it.. maybe then i'd forget.. hahahaha.. tis a beautiful memory. One full of love.
Been so long since we talked. I'd sincerely forgot to reply her message to me during baptism. I was happy though. really happy. I long for us to return to a friendship equilibrium. On hindsight.. i abused our friendship and relationship with one another. I did not take care of her as a sister like i should. And i regret that. But should we ever cross paths again.. I'll treasure that new relationship.. one of company and friendship. to protect her as a sister.. to be a proper friend. But maybe not yet. maybe one day.. when we've all graduated.. with our own partners in life.. definitely.. =)
Been awhile since I'd blogged.
Well, it's exam week hahaha.. I've 4 papers. 1 ad kena bar... 2 already went by. I thank God for His grace. I could study and prepare, and not walk blindly into the exam hall. I promised myself not to do that ever again... and i won't. I hate that feeling. that pathetic feeling of helplessness. I HATE IT. that feeling of being a failure. I HATE IT. that feeling of being WEAK. I HATE IT.
On a happier note, due to losing focus towards the last few weeks of sem (we all know why)... my coursework really jia lat. my understanding of the subject matter lagi jia lat. 13 chapters and i only understood 4... but striving not to fail... i remembered something i used to have. the drive to win. the power to understand everything. that i could do anything. I remembered how it felt when everything came to me like it was natural. because i wanted it. I'd grown complacent. Must fight. must win.
If i can maintain this mode throughout my remaining sems.. I'll be able to finish my race here well...
Learning how to starve my eyes. The fight is going well. Now the prob is my mind. Still need to direct all that nonsense somewhere else. Sports. Studies. CG. Family. Friends. Future wife. God. Gotta win this war.
Am beginning to appreciate the beauty of friendship with the opposite gender. Sure you'll kena tembak forever... but I find joy in their company.. when u have a proper mix of guys n girls. and you know how to go about it healthily *i.e. conversational topics and the way you act* its really awesome. The only way i know how to describe it is: Just like high school times. Really glad I got out of the gobsmackedsmittenicanttalklikeasanehumanbeingwhenevershesaround phase... =D
Tired of hearing talks about peoples behaviours... Sure the way they behave irks me at certain point of times. Grumble and shrug it off lah.. Must talk about them every time meh. Sometimes we focus on the dirt so much we forget someone's beauty. we forget we ourselves were made of dust (dirt). Well except women lah but that's besides the point. XD... basically that's all there is to it. Just love one another k? =)
Hannah said I forced myself to be interested in football so i can fit in. I admit it... I had no love for football.. in fact i hated it.. but in hindsight... I'm glad i did.. a whole new circle of friends opened up for me. I learned to get physical. I'm not afraid to charge ahead. It's like Aang learning Earth Bending. It was against his nature. But he had to learn it because he was the Avatar... I did it to get friends i guess.. or you could say to gain confidence. I used to be so cowardly. so scrawny. bump nie fly. but now i'm FAT! hahaha.. I still fly though. It did cost me tho.. Badminton only RM5... Futsal RM 10 leh!!
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Jim Elliot
Taking a little literary freedom here. This quote meant giving up our lives for God's Kingdom rather than money for friends... but you get the gist. On a side note, read up Jim Elliot's story.. He was a missionary that reached out to the people in the jungles of Ecuador, among many other places. He was killed eventually, but his legacy lived on. Google it if you wanna find out =D
But yeah... I don't regret it lah.. Someone once said... Friendship is very intentional. I even prayed before initiating some friendships. LOL... weird kan? But i believe it's needed.. especially when you can sense great walls of china around certain people. I believe friendship comes from God.. Your friends are not accidents. Speaking of which, I met Ben: a fellow BM-ian. He's a musician (i.e. he plays gigs for a living).. and Indian, super hyper.. He was like.. "Go BM!" and fist bumping me... Guess it's kinda the reaction you get when you're in somewhere new and far and you find a fellow hometown friend. He felt called by God to melaka... indeed I wonder what God has prepared for him.. We exchanged numbers and he's all like, eh if u wanna jam call me k? hahaha.. We shall see man... we shall see.
Well, i suppose that's it for now... back to studying... CP2 I shall conquer you!!!
Ps. James is coming back. The Gang shall reunite! Woots!!!
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