Only You Know..

God.. I'm typing this out to you. Only you know the things I'm going through.. how can things be so wrong when we're doing this for u? or rather why? is the big picture really that hard to see? what are we doing wrong? What am I doing wrong? I know I'm super forgetful... XD... but I'm trying hard.. i write down things.. i only hope and wish and pray for the best of Choices. many things seem stuck. Without thinking i step in.. thinking of helping.. yet in the midst of doing so i forget my own responsibilities and forget to make my own ends meet. Is that wrong?? Is this not what I'm supposed to do as your child? Is this all that I'm capable of? or is it just me trying all on my own strength? If that is the case, won't you take control? I'm just here for You to use me.. I just want to empower people. Bring them up. Lead them to greater heights! But how can i? When I'm painted as the bad guy... Hahaha.. what a series of small misunderstandings can do eh? Lord I BEG you... mend my broken relationships... I cannot do this by my own strength. I need You... I really really need You......

Rant

I wanna rant awhile. U say u respect directors. U want to follow wat we want. then when u don't like what we want, u buat lah perangai. u shoot down my suggestions with that stupid face of yours. u think i don't know wat u thinkin meh? i can friggin read u like a book. please la... can don't nonsense ar. blerghhh... try to look at the bigger picture. u think i want to leave things like this? u think i don't want to make a call/decision??? I don't hold the veto power here ok? we're working together all 7 of us. Seriously u wanna buat perangai ah? how old d??? Can buat muka in front of me summore. when got junior there summore... walaoh... GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Intensive Week + Week 1

It is now 9am on a Friday morning. of a friggin holidayyy. and i'm UP. Typing this. GAHHH.....

Well it's a choice.. I'm not complaining, merely exaggerating...
2 weeks went by.. and there's been so many things happening I can barely breath. Yesterday had been a wonderful day of rest + CG + Futsal... Supposed to do homework but oops.. I'll do it after this...

Intensive Week... how was it for u guys? I truly wonder... made many mistakes as i got absent minded during the whole week.. sorry guys, keep forgetting my promises.. we were really unprepared as a whole... But I believe God will work us out... and He will work us through...

1st week of class... Quite chill i guess.. best thing was how I could concentrate in class.. Woots!! I wanna keep this for the whole sem...

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Midnight of Sunday. I'm tired... really tired... don't know why... maybe i'm spiritually broke after all... God I need you.. i don't know who to tell.. So so so tired.... but yeah.. You gave me Wisdom, now I ask for Strength. Be with me God... 

Home.

I only get to post stuffs bout home every so often. So i hope this'll be a long one? =P
I don't get homesick... I do love my family, i do love them.. but i guess i'm not that good at showing it..
Crashed Scott's place for a night during the Convo Trip.. 1st thing he did when he got home, hug his mother and father. for a moment there i felt jealous.. i wished i was brave enough to do that..

Story time. lol.. The night right after camp, went do script writing with Kath... we did till 2++... o.O.. i didn't get any sleep prior to that cuz went out with Sam n Scott for our tickets, and i spent the remainder of the time talking with the latter. I thank God for putting me here.. i thank Him for using me to be a Barnabas in CF... seems there's not enough Barnabases to go around. After script writing I tido straight. Hit the sack right on my face. Didn't wake up til 930. Saw Hannah's text. Called. Right after that I prayed.. been awhile since i talked with Him like that... He reminded me of my family.. the night b4 i'd spoken slightly roughly with my mum... so i texted her and apologized.. hahaha.. that's a first..

The time is now.. I need to reach out to my family... but i'm just so afraid... I've to tell them about Choices.. i want to tell them the burdens God has put in my heart.. i want to tell them that i want to be serious about God and about my studies... God has opened the way. I only need to take courage. Pray for my family k =)

1st faces i saw back in Pg: My dad & my youngest bro
1st thing i ate back in Pg: Kueh Teow Ta(Dry) from Chai Leng Park
1st thing my mum commented bout me: Why your hair like that wan?? Not nice lah!
1st thing i did the morning after i reached: Fetch bro to PMR, den updated pasal Choices 2012 8am in the morning (Sry Hannah & Kath) So gungho LOL...

Talking bout Choices... God i can only pray u take control... It's only my first real day of holidays... yet there's been so many rejections and obstacles already.. so many uncertainties.. God I pray for the vision of eagles... That I may see beyond these things... That you would show us... The impossible, is kacang to You... =D...

Take courage.
Take Courage.
TAKE COURAGE.

\\Signing off\\
\\Jian\\

An unexpected journey...

Actually its less of a journey but more of a trip lah.. XD... Yesterday, Sam asked if i could follow him n Ps. Jo to KL for some business... and so i went... it was a last minute thingy.. i only had 3 hours sleep before waking up at 7.30 and by 8am, we were on our way to KL... =)

The reason i'm recording this is so i don't forget later on... because these things we talked about... are close to my heart..

Leadership in CF... I've been wondering lately.. how did Louis n JT become the leaders they were? how did they get there? Pastor's answer for Louis was availability... but i saw more in him than that... guess i'll have to ask him to find out.. I really wanna see CF ppl grow.... not just in their studies or L4D skillz... but their leadership... their fellowship with one another... there's something to learn from these seniors... to help us grow in our lives, spiritually, and street-wise.. and also leadership wise.. I thank God for Edmund... I've seen him grow in this past sem... this past year.. i just pray God u continue to work in him... and that he'll become a GREAT LEADER one day... =)


Role as a brother/finding a partner... haha.. somehow lah we were talking bout this topic... not specifically but rather this was what i took from it la.. who are girls to us? to me? aren't they not God's creation? i do admit.. i've not treated girls with the respect they deserve.. the full respect.. my eyes wander and my thoughts too. God i pray u take these desires away from me. I want to be a man, worthy of a noble woman. somehow as we were talking bout all these things.. i'm assured lah.. of the kind of partner i want.. of the things i'm looking for.. I'll keep these close to my heart... God only you lead the way. =)


All in all.. I thank You Father, for this trip... oh yeah.. one thing i rmbred.. GOT TO ask my dad.. "How u stick to mum all these years ah?"... =)

Let's keep walking shall we?

PS. I've decided what i wanna do in LifeGame already. Let's see if it'll work out... 

A joy that comes from above...

Been MIA few weeks... final exams just ended a little more than a day ago (Saturday).. and yet here i am already busy with work which isn't even school related.. hahaha.. well it is but den again.. it's not exactly academic.. XD.. Got hit with a bad fever right after my maths paper... which eventually led me to sit through CP1 finals without even studying, forced to relieve my diarrhea once during the exam... having to sit back and rub my head in pain after solving each question... Lecturers must be wondering if the paper was really that hard.. hahaha..

Right after paper went home n tried to sleep... to no avail!! T.T... ended up watching Tom & Jerry.. XP
*NO I'll NEVER GET BORED OF TOM & JERRY*
Eventually went for next sem planning for Choices around 4pm.. (still Saturday)
As we discussed and planned and prayed... the picture gradually grew clearer...
*sry hannah kath n i so busy ppl... XD*

Right after meeting rushed offed to Michelle's Grandma's wake service.. Drove alone.. headache lagi..
Thank God i found the place without much trouble.. Was gonna serve as guitarist for the worship part.. end up Ps. Chung sendiri play XD... cuz tarak 2nd guitar... Kath, Cheryl, Jerome n Scott were there... We talked to Michelle.. She looked well.. so good lah.. =)

Fast forward to Sunday...


Today is Comm Planning Day!!!
Honestly I wasn't really excited or anything for today, just neutral... Lol.. Abel's been nagging pasal addressing the protocol issue thingy.. Initially told him it shouldn't be addressed publicly cuz it involved alphas.. but i thank God for the wisdom lah.. That He gave me the right opportunity and the right words...

Jui n Jan cooked AWESOME AWESOME spaghetti for us!!!!!!!!!!!
Sadly i just recovered.. stomach too bloated for 2nd round... sad wan DAII...
they were talking bout Gan during makan.. don't like haha.. tho i laughed at one point.. but know lah when to stop =.=...

Toward the end of the night... I'm just so filled with joy lah.. Was really thankful for Esmond, who sat with us these long hours... for Ed, Kath n Cheryl's leadership... So glad to see them bond... Ed will say one thing n Kath n Cheryl will react SEJIBI wan... XD... Wonder if Hannah Kath n I will end up like that =P...
Also really happy to see the comm lah... I don't want it to end this sem either.. but even if it does... I've no regrets.. This bunch of ppl really =)


Basically my story boils down to one thing: Joy of Serving.
I can be having diarrhea and headaches, or aching somewhere in my back or neck or having high fever... I'll never back down from serving.. cuz it gives me Joy... God i thank You for showing me these things.. These are my treasures... and You'll increase them all the more as i grow evermore.. so....


Bring it ON Choices 2012!!! XD